from: silver

Spent some money on myself today.

I finally hit the purchase button. Decision paralysis defeated.

I have trouble buying things, especially for myself. The guilt that comes from abandoning my hyperfixations is quite unbearable. I'm working on it.

I wouldn't necessarily say I have a spending problem. Maximum 4 times out of the year I splurge. It isn't repeated consistent spending, so I give myself some grace. But the parts leading up to the purchase(s). Help. Me. I go into deep research for whatever I buy. Looking up reviews. Making sure the seller is reliable. Making sure I won't regret my purchase. Now that last part. That's where it really gets me. The guilt that I mentioned plays a huge part. Oh my god. Now that I think of it. My hoarding problem, that I mentioned here, is also somehow linked to this! I find myself regretting a lot of my purchases after the fun's over in my brain. I could just resell or give away most of the items, but I have a hard time letting them go. For memories, I say. For potential future use, I say. But the meaning, I say. #HOARDER

Overconsumpion vs. what my ADHD will be content with. Which is it? That's for me to find out another time.

Avoidance, my dear friend. Around half of what I purchased were things I've been putting off getting for months, some of them years! The other half? The other half has been taking over my everyday thoughts. The overthinking about which item to choose. The difference between all the different types/variations per item. Trying to think what would suit me best. What would be the most practical. Ah... Yes. The good old stationery hyperfixation is back. New and improved(?) Welp!

List of Purchases 2026-04-09 (Stationery Edition):

List of Purchases 2026-04-09 (Miscellaneous Edition):

If you would like to know the whys behind each purchase:

Penco Plastic Clampy Clip
I've been thinking about this for 2 years. Practical use. Hold open notebooks so I don't stress out while I write or deco.

Sticky Notes
Recently started reading again (don't ask me when the last time I finished a book was prior to this). I've been borrowing books from the library and I started to annotate in a separate notebook as I read. This disrupted my reading too much. Found myself enjoying the books a bit less. I've been using these paper tabs I found in the house which cover the text and don't want to stick. Solution to my non-sticky situation? New translucent sticky tabs. Why this specific one? The colors are nice. It had the most quantity/bang for my buck. I didn't want to think any more deeply than I had already thunk, so I landed on these.

Pen
A simple want for new colors. Had trouble finding a pack with different ones than I already have. Had to be 0.38mm. It's a nice size. Any bigger stresses me out. I write small.

Notebooks
A6 Blank - Finished a journal for the first time in my life. Was in between grid and blank, but the grid version's grid was too small (I printed and tried out the size). Want to try Tomoe River paper. Not too much going on, on the cover. Perfect.

B6 Grid - Bigger grid. For quotes and vocabulary in books I read. Personal Dictionary x Reading Journal x Reading Log? Originally was going to get one for quotes and one for vocab but realized I was doing too much and that it would probably overwhelm me. Stalogy has page numbers and the dating at the top. At first this bothered me, but I realized with too much creative freedom I tend to abandon things more easily.

A5 Grid - Ran out pages in my basic notebook that I write notes down on whatever I want. Was between B6 and A5. Looking through my old notebook realized I needed the A5 width space. Before I even did that, I was panicking deciding if I wanted smaller for easier portability. Realized I only really bring this notebook in a backpack. I have the space. I should use it.

B6 Slim Grid - Started writing lyrics in hangul for writing practice. Was losing my mind over if I should choose grid or dot grid. Went with grid because I need more structure than dots. Again. Panicked about size. B6 or B6 Slim. Midori does not have a regular B6. Started thinking about A6, worried it would be too small. B6 slim. Good balance. Enough space.

SD Cards
2GB - On one of my "splurges" last year I bought a Panasonic SV-AS10. I've been using a 64mb SD card. Running low on space. Can't get myself to delete media even if I have it saved somewhere else, out of fear of losing a copy. Plus. Hoarding.. Researched compatible SD cards. Highest amount of storage I could get for this device was 2GB. Still worried about compatibility but that's a problem for when it arrives in the mail. But hey, if it doesn't work with this camera, it'll probably work with a different camera. Still usable. Snatched it out of someone's eBay cart, new ones cost 2 times the price as this used one. Evil eBay says, "1 person has this in their cart." I, simpleton, hit purchase.

32GB - Reunited with dusty camcorder (Canon FS200) sitting in the dark depths of my clutterful room. Took videos on a 2GB microSD (doesn't work with Panasonic). Now need more space. Researched compatible. Has to be SDHC for video. Max 32GB. Class less than or equal to 10. Impulsive not so impulsive buy. Been sitting on the thought of buying one since I first found the camera maybe 3 years ago. Oh I forgot. I also bought a replacement off-brand battery pack and charger kit because the battery is on its last legs. Doesn't hold a charge.

Merriam-Webster
Reading. Oh my god I don't know words. Hate searching it on my phone while reading, I don't like to lose my focus. Also the ads on the dictionary app I use. Only really needed the dictionary but hey. a set is a set. I can do something with the rest of the set too. It's not like it's useless. Thesaurus for my writing. Vocabulary Builder to, you know, build my vocab.

Aquaphor
Running out! Only thing that moisturizes my lips. Was supposed to buy the first time I ran out of the larger tube for practicality and portability. Never did. This was probably a few years ago. Smaller, easier to carry around. Yay!

That was a lot. But as you can see. Many thoughts. System Overload. Relieved from completing this task. Plus more relief from typing this out. Reassurance, in a way. Trying to moderate my hyperfixation so it doesn't go haywire and end up dead. I've been pretty consistent with reading which is wonderful. I would like these purchases to aid me, guide me.

Does this count as closing one of my loops?

Just wanted to add that I initially wrote this on the 9th. I kept falling asleep writing and editing so here we are today.

Reply via e-mail
Published:
Last edited: 4 hours, 16 minutes ago

#ADHD #hoarding #journal #long #notebooks #personal