Here we go again
Last night, I downloaded Obsidian onto my laptop. Some time around last year, I fell down a PKMS (Personal Knowledge Management System) YouTube rabbit hole. I love deep diving into things like this, but the issue I face is when I take it too far. Which is a constant happening with many things that pique my interest.
On Hoarding
I gained a new/not so new desire to track everything. I say "not so new" because I've always been a hoarder of sorts. This desire to track everything is one hell of a slippery slope into data/digital hoarding. Which can be helpful and exciting for some, but knowing my ADHD, it would have a little too much fun leading to exhaustion and ultimately despair.1
Collecting little things and attaching meaning to them was something I had always done since I was a child. I have piles, boxes, and bags of pieces of what some might consider "trash" compiled throughout my house. While growing up this problem didn't seep into my digital life, until middle school. I had discovered Dropbox. I figured out I could essentially back up every piece of media on my iPod Touch. I remember one particular instance where I screenshot my entire Instagram following list, fearing I would forget the people, fearing potentially losing my account. Backed that right up into Dropbox.
While searching on Reddit to see if anyone else had this shared desire to track every moment of their life, I came across PKMS, which led me to Obsidian. It was almost perfect. Almost exactly what I was looking for. Only almost because I got overwhelmed after hyper-fixating on how I would go about tracking not just my thoughts, but every move I made or emotion I felt. And after the tracking, how I would itemize my "life data." Ultimately, I gave up my dreams of a tracked life.2
About Last Night
Now about... You know... Yesterday... Last night. I randomly got the urge to download Obsidian on my MacBook. I felt as if I was cheating on the Obsidian that had been collecting dust on my PC desktop. Nevertheless, I didn't have enough space for it. Classic digital hoarder. I guided myself through the art of letting things go. Deep breaths. Cleaned up and fixed up some of my files on my MacBook. Had a battle with unsyncing Dropbox and fixing the pathway of my Downloads folder (not too technologically advanced so this took me a bit). Wanted a somewhat fresh start. Finally had enough space for a long overdue software update. Successfully updated! Man, the rush I felt from completing all of those tasks.
At last! Obsidian was installed! Up and running!
I'll keep this part short.
I nearly bust a gut trying to organize everything I had in my head.
It went a little something like this:
What do I include? Exclude? How specific should I get? Folders or links for this category? OR tags? WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING?!!! Plugins? Nevermind. Too much on my plate. TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE! What was that shortcut again? Ooh shiny graph view! No. This should go here. Wait... But it could also go here... Nevermind... Unless...
Now put that in 2x speed for about 3 to 4 hours.
I had to step away for a moment after that. Searched on Bear for posts about Obsidian. I came across an awesome thought-provoking post from Mattiverse titled "my break-up with Obsidian". All I ever watched were videos hyping up PKMS so this was a nice, fresh perspective. This post mentioned JW Anderson3 JA Westenberg's video talking about deleting Obsidian.
But like anything without restraint, it can also be a trap. (04:04)
The act of deletion is not a failure of record keeping. It is a reassertion of agency. (05:41)
I took notes on this video. In Obsidian. The irony.
How I Will Be Using Obsidian
One of my current goals for life is being more intentional and mindful. Online this would look like thinking just a bit more before every click, every scroll, every search. Using Obsidian with intention. I would like if it didn't serve as a primary source to rely on for my memory. My default shouldn't be thinking "oh this is going straight to my vault" while going through my life. Taking all there is that the world offers, without resorting to the mindset of engaging in things with the intention of digitally storing it somewhere else.
Goodnight Obisidian, Until Next Time
It hit me that I had been staring at my screen for longer than I had intended to. I chose to pick up a book. And a second one after that. I thought about a third one, read the first sentence, recognized I was running myself into the ground and decided to stop there. To end my night off like there would have been perfect, but I got distracted by old stationery. I am slowly running out of pages in my notebooks. After that distraction, I washed up and went to bed.
Confession: Regrettably, I spent some time on my phone to distract myself from anxious thoughts before closing my eyes. But hey, it wasn't as much as past me would've spent. Improvement.
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Noticing I mention my ADHD a lot in many of my blog posts. It's a big part of what makes me who I am. Though I am trying to not let it rule my life. More on working with my ADHD instead of letting it take the reigns in a separate post.↩
I started by making an extremely detailed chart of my ideal morning routine. I poured so much of my time and energy into it, so much so that I gave up. It was too much for me to handle. I downloaded Obsidian on my PC, but didn't dare to touch it.↩
Oops. Funny mistake. I'm keeping this in.↩