Struggling with the phone
My phone addiction is nearly uncontrollable on the weekends. Throughout the week it isn't so bad since I work full-time, but if I don't have plans during the weekend it gets pretty bad.
It's not even about it being the weekend. I've always struggled with not doing so well when not having a structured routine. It's so easy to slip into phone mode. Almost like I've been conditioned to be this way. I worked as a teacher for 2 years. For that job, I would get the typical longer school breaks, although I did not get the summer off. I would lose control over myself and dig myself into a deep depressed state. The lack of routine and structure. I could have made a routine for myself, but it was hard not having one forced upon me. I did try to give myself a routine, but I would not follow through because it was just me against me. No outside force to hold me accountable. I did not have much self-respect. With my new job, it's not terrible since I don't get those longer periods of time to myself at home, but there's still the damn weekend.
About 2 weeks ago I set up a cumulative 1 hour limit on all of my social media apps. Turned off the notifications. I did not delete any of them, because I wanted more control(?) I wanted to see if I could manage it myself. Fighting the urge to hit "Remind me in 15 minutes" "Ignore limit for the day." This works beautifully on weekdays. Not so much on weekends.
When I was 16/17, I would do social media cleanses where I would deactivate my accounts and the apps with it. I was in my toxic-positivity era. Yes it was good that I was off those apps, but the intention was... performative(?) I did it to show off, for attention, thinking I was better than others and my "past" self. I would obsessively check my screen time to see if I was under or over a certain limit. I find myself doing this now too. Though, after realizing, I have been working on reducing the obsessive checking.
Eventually I want to rid myself from the apps completely. I'm taking things step by step, because from past experience, quitting cold turkey has made it substantially easier to relapse. My intentions are much simpler now. I want better for my future self, and the apps are hurting my potential.
I want to be able to make promises to myself that I can keep. Without too much pressure. Build a weekend routine that I won't stress over. Put things into action for said routine instead of anxiously running through thoughts on how to go about it.
As I write, I thought of something I can do right now. On one of my burner phones I'm downloading my social media apps. Deleting them from my main phone. I can only use this phone on WiFi. The battery life is not that great. Only has 64GB of storage, Hoping this will help at least a little bit. Also now I have more storage on my main phone which is always a plus. I don't necessarily like that I have to try this hard. But I have to do what I have to do.
Reply via e-mail
Published:
Last edited:
4Â hours, 59Â minutes ago
Previous