Re: Sucking the joy out of hobbies

28 Mar, 2026

About a week ago, I came across sigkill's post. I related and wanted to share my thoughts and experiences.

I too, have had the problem with only liking doing things that I'm naturally good at. I still struggle with this, but I'm working on it! What had jump-started my efforts of trying to change this, was osu!¹ I played for the first time in 2024. My reaction time wasn't great and I couldn't read the maps at all. I sucked!!

I thought to myself...
I'm all about music.
I love rhythm games.
Why am I so terrible at this one?

I continued to play for almost a month... before I quit. This game was one of many things I quit for my inability to be instantly good.

I rarely have instances where I quit something and try again. I fear failure. Picking this game back up was simultaneously an involuntary and voluntary action. I have an issue with being told what to do. In late 2025, one of my friends had told me that they just started playing the game. They made no requests for me to play. Perfect. Because I got FOMO... I decided to pick it up again. When I revisited the game, it didn't feel any different from when I had stopped playing. Improvement was slow and I felt I wasn't good enough (by the high standards and expectations I placed on myself). I was on the verge of Quitting Osu Part 2.

Instead of traveling deeper into the usual self-loathing to quitting path I decided. Okay. Maybe I should watch some YouTube videos to see how I can improve. I gave it a shot. To improve my aim, I started paying closer attention to where my cursor was going, aiming for the center of the circles. For tapping, trying to tap right when the outer circle met the inner. The basics of the game.

When I pick up a new hobby, as a good little autist, I dive directly into the deep end.
― sigkill, Sucking the joy out of hobbies

The first time I played I did something similar to this. I skipped over "easier" levels, instead of mastering the basic skills and building good habits, I moved to harder levels. My muscle memory was, excuse my language, fucked.

While scouring the interwebs for advice on improving, I came across this one phrase a lot. "Play more." And so, I did just that. The game had consumed my life. I would get home from my nearly 9 hour shift, change out of my clothes, wash my hands, switch out my contacts² for the good old glasses, and ran straight for my PC. This became my after-work routine. I played nonstop for hours on end. I would tell myself, "Okay if I fail this/after this song I'll get up and do XYZ." Which was ultimately a lie. It did not matter to me that I had to leave the house to work in a couple of hours. I was invested. My wrists and fingers would start to hurt, but that didn't stop me. I apparently didn't care that my job required me to work with my hands. I couldn't get it quite right and I had to keep playing because that's what everyone was saying. "Play more."

I ended up buying a drawing tablet³ after using a mouse for a while. The month that I got it was the most I had ever played. At a certain point, the more I played, the worse I was getting. I had overdone it. It started to feel more like a chore than a game that I had once enjoyed. Yes there was improvement, but it was next to nothing. Feeling discouraged and disinterested, I started playing less and less. A blessing in disguise. Every time I would come back to the game after a short break, my scores were different. Different good. I saw improvement. More improvement than I had seen when I was overexerting myself. I realized that this was the best way for me to improve. Playing in moderation. For once, I actually listened to my own advice. I now know when to stop my "sessions" and when to take breaks (usually a couple of days to a week).⁴ As I improved, the game got more fun. I was back in. In a healthier way.

It had finally clicked in my head. I would constantly hear people saying "change takes time." I never believed this because my mind was so stuck on failure, shame, and guilt. I'm still on the journey of unlearning this. Change takes time. Everyone is different. Different things work for different people. Yes, some people are just naturally good at some things. I have things that I'm "naturally" good at too! Other things, not so much. Which is completely fine. It may take me a bit more effort, but I shouldn't be discouraged by that. Never did I think that some random rhythm game would show me this.

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Published: 28 Mar, 2026
Last edited: 1 month, 2 weeks ago
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