Revisiting places

29 Mar, 2026

Recently, I visited one of my local libraries. I have 2 that are a 10 minute walking distance from my house. The route to the one I went to on this gloomy Friday has a similar path to one I would walk from school to home. The beginning of my walk felt. Heavy. My body remembered the anguish. I grieved for my younger self. Something I do from time to time. Feeling it through familiarity of environment was different. It wasn't the same as looking at baby pictures. The world seen from the point of view of my height now. I've grown taller. Remembered smaller shoes and shorter strides. Wanted to squat down and cry, but that didn't happen. I walked into the library and everything felt much smaller than I had remembered. Of course it did. I hadn't been there in a very long time.¹ The wooden tables. The single-seater sofas. All in the same place. Just smaller. Only me, now grown. Grief, once again, but comfort was there too.

Bittersweet. That's the feeling. Melancholic? Sad but hopeful. Poignant?

I tend to avoid places of familiarity. Aside from home. Well. There was a point in my life where I would sit in my car for hours after work to avoid going in the house, so I don't know how true that is. Regarding the outside world, a part of me is scared I'll see someone I know from my past. What would even happen? Walk past and pretend we don't know each other? Most likely. So why am I so afraid? Probably from the slim chance they'll want to speak to me. Well! Faced my fears and went anyway. My need for a library card was bigger than those worries. I didn't even stop to think of the feelings I would feel on the way to and in a familiar place.

I don't remember the walk back home too well. Getting there, however, is engraved in my head. I'll remember that feeling forever. It was new.

Reply via e-mail
Published: 29 Mar, 2026
Last edited: 1 month, 2 weeks ago
Previous Next

#thoughts